Answering some questions

"How are you (Kevin and Allison) doing?"
Great! And I mean that, we are doing great!  We have our 3rd child home, we are finally, after 1 long year of waiting, all together in the same home.  That alone is enough for me to say great.  But what I would really like you to know, is that we are doing great...compared to what it could be.  I don't have time, in person, to explain all the ins and outs of adopting an older child, and you may not really want to listen to me for that long.  I'm ok with that.  I know you still love me, and will pray for me, but sometimes details are just, well, overwhelming.  We have our moments, I still yell when I shouldn't and sometimes I want to lock myself in my closet and scream...and maybe I have.  But we really are doing great!

"How is Lyla doing?"
Phenomenal!  That is the 100% truth!  I cannot say enough about how amazed we are at how well she is learning her new life.  So many things could be happening, but there is little resistance to her new circumstances.  We are amazed and grateful!  Now, what I would also like you to know is that the past 6 years of her life have produced some not-so-lovely behaviors and survival techniques.  When these rear their ugly heads, our house does not display the pretty faces that our pictures suggest!  Gently (and not so gently) teaching Lyla what it means to be a part of a family is challenging.  She and I have already tried to figure out who is more stubborn, and so far, I am.  She is learning, and before too long she'll get it!

"How are Macey and Xander doing?"
They love Lyla, they really do!  In some ways, the 3 of them together are doing better than we thought, and in some ways it is harder.  Macey is taking her new little sister role very well, she loves to do what Lyla does, and enjoys having another girl in the house.  Xander is struggling.  He likes to be with Lyla, and will tell us more than once in a day that he likes Lyla, but his behaviors are showing us that he is having a hard time.  We expected this, and hopefully before too long we will be on track.

"Is there anything we can do to help?" "Do you need anything?"
In general, we don't need anything. The truth is we do need things, but it isn't anything that others can help us with.  I need time by myself, but I have a big girl who is still learning about what having a mom is, a little girl who just wants her mom to talk to her, and a little boy who isn't understanding all the emotions he is feeling and needs his mom to help him through them.  We'd thought about asking for meals, but it really wouldn't help, Lyla is still very picky, Macey has always been picky and Xander chooses to be picky because his sisters get away with it.  So nightly I make 3 different meals for dinner, so even if someone brought dinner, I'd still have to make at least 2 more.  I'd love to "lighten" my load and have Macey and Xander play at someone else's house for a while, but at this point, they would rather be with me or Kevin.

To say that things are hard really isn't a good way to describe it, things are just different, and we're trying to figure out how to live differently.  I used to be able to run errands with my little ones, but now with 3, things are a little more difficult.  Right now Lyla isn't very fond of being without me, so no matter where I go I have a 6 year old in tow, although it's getting better.  Grocery shopping with an opinionated little girl is quite an experience.  Macey and Xander are used to life on the go, going somewhere each day, gymnastics, library time, playgrounds, and well, Lyla just isn't accustomed to that.  She does better at home, learning about family life.  We do get sleep at night, which is good, but the emotional and mental stress is exhausting.  In time all of these things will get better.

So, if you see us at church, we may have yelled and screamed the whole way there and put on our happy faces just before we walked in, but we needed to come just so something could feel normal again.  If you see me at the grocery store, with Lyla in the basket and she and I are smiling and laughing, know that if I didn't smile I would cry, and I am only at the grocery store because I am trying to cook something other than hot dogs, mac-n-cheese and PB&J.  If I post a picture on FB of my kids working on something together, it's probably because for the 2 hours prior to that they were watching Dora, and I felt guilty and thought they should do something else.

I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world, because I know that once we get used to our new life, I will forget how hard it was!  And honestly, we really are doing great!!!